Care mismatch

Care mismatch = when one party in a 2 way relationship cares more about it than the other. For example…

…when you realize your friend only calls you if he/she needs something from you.

…when you find that the sales person is only being nice to you to make the sale.

care mismatch
Thanks to source for the image

…when you can’t understand why your manager hides behind policies when you make a request for an exception that you deserve.

Care mismatch causes an enormous amount of unhappiness every day. It feels natural to expect reciprocation when we care deeply about something.

Unfortunately, that rarely happens. The more you give, the more you’ll realize that reciprocation is rare. The lesson, then, is not to stop caring. It is to change why you care and to better direct your efforts – e.g. by setting limits when you don’t sense reciprocation.

Care because you want to, not because you want something back. Care mismatch is a part of a life. Learning to be incredibly caring despite that is how we get made.

6 thoughts on “Care mismatch

  1. Thanks for bringing this up Rohan, I think maybe we don’t talk about it enough.

    Another thing is reaction mismatch, which is important to distinguish. I know a couple where one partner is much less emotional than the other. He tells her about his bad day at work and she just says “Oh I’m sorry.” and doesn’t cry or yell. Sometimes he thinks she doesn’t care, but she does, she’s just less emotional. When she has the chance to do something to help him she always does. That’s how you can tell she cares.

  2. So true.. We keep facing this every other day. Detachment is easy to speak of and painful to grow into… Been there done that.

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